The Young&Restless, and the Old&Weary

Eleven years in the Pastorate and thirty years in ministry combined puts one in a place where they've seen a lot of stuff to celebrate and a lot of heartache. I have noticed a disturbing trend the last ten years. Not only are marriages failing at what was commonly known as the "seven year itch", but now it's 15, 25, and 35 years. People are quitting on the promise. That is sad, because on the day of the wedding it is such a jubilant time (not the stress stuff!). The one thing that is a constant need in marriages is "it takes work." It takes work to keep the commitment the two love birds made at their wedding whether it's been 5, 25, or even 35 years. I require couples to go through four counseling sessions before I will marry them. Some pastors do more and some do less. Oh, they can play games and fake me out through the counseling, but it does them no good. Unfortunately, we know as we marry a couple that in today's climate there is a 50-50 chance they stay together. I don't like those odds. Marriage is about love, but it is even more about a commitment. We are saying to one another that we are going to go through this journey of life together forever. We even say words to that effect in our vows. But to keep that commitment takes work along the way. I know that doesn't sound romantic, but you know it's true. There is a give and take that has to take place as the years pass by and continues as a habit. The sweet old couples you see on the swing-set in their golden days know that. The man will do anything in the early days (even go to church) if he knows that will make her happy. The woman will do anything (no example, I'm not a woman) if she knows that will make him happy. But as time goes, LIFE HAPPENS all around us (work, sickness, schedules, babies, etc.) like in everything else in life we are tempted to go back to our "default" status which is selfish. If life were a canoe ride, we start paddling different directions and run into stuff or flip the canoe over. Or we stop paddling at all and things become stagnant. ----Whether you are among the Young and Restless (5-10 year itch), or the Old and Weary (20-30 year itch) there is something you need to know. As a pastor I'm speaking mostly to followers of Jesus, but this wisdom could be passed on to those that don't know Christ yet. There is a force out their that wants to divide and conquer relationships. As a church body we are fully aware that Satan does his best work when he causes "in-fighting". His plan is to divide and conquer. Similarly, the family is the basic relationship unit, and was initiated by God. If Satan and his cronies can break up families, then he is mocking God. Aren't most marriage ceremonies enveloped in promises, God, and forever? If Satan can break up a promise, he has succeeded on the day. I just want to cast a light on why marriage is hard at times. It's not always that way. It's funny when we go through challenging times we forget that the majority of times or the times leading up to the rough patch were good times, even great times. Fight for your marriage as if you were fighting the very forces of darkness (not your mate), because you are. God wants you together. You made a promise to the love of your youth. ---No you're not the same person you were when you got married. You are older and you should be wiser. When did you start being selfish again? You would both give and do whatever it took to catch the other one. It's a sweet accomplishment to finish with the one you started the journey with. There is no doubt it pleases God and makes Him proud. He built us for one another. Don't quit. Die to self. Do whatever it takes. The question is not "Can we?" We have to. ---There are things in life that you and I had to do. We looked around hoping someone more qualified would do it, but as we looked around we were the only ones there; thus we had to do it. You two are the only ones in the canoe. Everyone else is back at the landing. Calm down. Talk about it. Start paddling in the same direction, and by all means stay away from the bushes there might be a snake up in there! The best thing you can do, however, is pray like you mean it. Cry out to God! I promise, God will hear those cries.